dear ________,

i'm not quite sure who to address this little note to.
you, i guess. whoever happens to have landed on my page, and reads these words i type.

there isn't much to say to you. the only thing i can do is complain. and feel bad for myself.
things are temporarily kind of tough around these neck of the woods. i am overwhelmingly overwhelmed. i can't seem to even remember the things i need to do, never mind do them. and i'm anxious as all hell.

whats wrong you might ask? nothing big, nothing life consuming. mostly work stuff, social stuff. stuff i would love to share with any of you in a personal email or something of the sort. i'm just very paranoid about who might read my blog. i'm not worried about what i write, i'm just worried about how people will interpret it.

anyway, regarding work and social stuff, i just feel like i am past my boiling point. past the point of no return. yet i feel trapped, i feel stuck, and i feel like i have absolutely no options at all.
i don't know what to do.

and i'm not quite sure there really happens to be a good answer as to what i should do, either.
ugh, i wish i could just explain it. i wish once i just complained about things, someone would say, oh i've got a magical answer for you. here is what you should do...
i want direction. i want someone to point me in a direction.

and on top of everything else...(there is A LOT of shit going on right now, even if its not bad stuff, i just feel overwhelmed.)... i get this shitty little email in my inbox this afternoon.

i didn't quite know what to do about it. first, i was pissed and planned on just copying and pasting the email onto a new post to embarrass the person who wrote it. then, i got irritated that i even let this person get to me, so i figured i was just going to let it go and stop thinking about it...

but i just can't. so, instead of giving any credit to the idiot who emailed me...i'll do a quick recap. i got a LONG email about how i am a "creep" and a "Fake" because i write about things i am grateful for. (yeah, i didn't quite understand at first either.) basically, this person has been a "lurker" for quite some time, and "at first thought it was honourable" that i posted at least one thing i was grateful for on a daily basis. "BUT THEN I FOUND OUT YOU WERE FAKE AS CAN BE AND YOU MAKE THINGS UP WHICH IS JUST WRONG AND EVIL" (yeah, this person is serious, and yes, everything in quotes comes directly from the email.)

i'm not sure how anyone "found out" i was "fake, wrong and evil" but please do share however you found this information out, because you sure have peaked my interest.

basically, i guess they noticed (through google reader or some program similar to it- i am completely assuming) that occasionally, i will type up a bunch of my GIST entries at once. i guess those are grounds on which i should be ridiculed. the funny thing is that this person provided ME with info as to my posting patterns over the past few months.

SERIOUSLY?

i'm the only person posting on this site, so i think i am well aware of my own patterns, thank you. the point she was trying to make, (again i assume) is that she doesn't like i might post a few days at once. i honestly didn't know it was against the law and guess what- i don't care.

i PRIDE myself on writing at least one thing i am grateful for on a daily basis. if it doesn't get onto the blog as quickly as someone would like then too bad! its written wherever i put it. sometimes i write things on napkins at restaurants or on memos at work and mostly, actually almost daily, i write them in my agenda. when i get a minute, i type them up and put them on here. and guess what? i woek almost 7 days a week, every week. i usually work 60-70 hours per week. i barely have enough time to take a shower in the morning, let alone blog on schedule!!

and let me make something very clear. i have not missed ONE DAY since i started one hundred and forty seven days ago... which is not normally like me. i can be flaky here and there, but i am amazed with how dedicated i am to this project. and the only "people" i need to "report to" with "honest greatfullness" (yes, you should look at spell check before sending emails) is MYSELF!!!
and my very good blog friends who read me and comment here regularly. what are there, like five of you ? :)

i'm done talking about this bullshit. i am dedicated to this blog. i am dedicated to grace in small things, and even more so, i really consider myself to thrive on honesty. if i forgot to do a day where i recorded my thankfulness, i would probably write posts and posts about how sorry i was to have skipped a day. and if this person really was detailed, they would have read back and realized this is the SECOND time i started GIST because i missed too many entries the first time. and my guilt led me to begin again.

so, stopping this tangent...i'm better than that person gives me credit to be. and in my opinion, if you do not like what i do, what i say, what i think, or even what you ASSUME i do, think or say, then WHY do you WASTE your time reading my blog???

don't bother.

i really LOVE some of my blog friends. i really care about them on a day to day basis and send positive thoughts their way. i am blessed to have "met" so many inspiring, beautiful people. so you can take your sassyness and negativity elsewhere.

and to really end this negative note, i'd like to take a moment to say... today i am BEYOND grateful for some of the people who i do really care about in blog world. i'm sure you guys know who you are, because you are the kind folk who read me and leave me comments. you are the kind people whose page i try to comment on. you are the amazing people i chat with through twitter, or 20SB. in fact, until today, i have respected and admired and adored and crushed on all of you beautiful bloggers i have made the acquaintance of, even for a quick moment....

AND I REFUSE TO LET ANYONE RUIN THAT. TAKE YOUR NEGATIVITY SOMEWHERE ELSE. damn, i hate capital letters.

respectfully,
erin

p.s. yeah, someone was seriously upset that i am not being thankful the way they think i should be. what????