this morning, i would like to discuss migraines. how i feel about them, what i've learned from them, etc.

would you like some reasoning as to why i chose to discuss this, on my blog, at 8:30am on sunday morning? because i am seriously considering shooting myself to put myself out of my misery. that, or cutting the top left quarter of my head out. i fell asleep last night with a headache. usually, sleeping a headache off helps me a bit. today: no such luck. right now i feel like someone is inside my head poking my brain and the back of my left eye with a wine corkscrew. sorry if i am too descriptive for you, but i honestly don't feel like my description does any justice for the pain.

the point of the blog was to talk about migraines, not just the migraine i have right this moment, so let us begin. i despise people who don't understand how debilitating migraines really are. i have had so many people tell me over time to just "suck it up," or "stop complaining, its only a headache." the next time someone says something similar to me, i believe i am going to punch them square in the jaw. i fortunately, for myself and the safety of those around me, i do not get migraines as frequently as i used to.

to me silence is key to stopping my migraine in its tracks and not letting it get any worse. i can be a real mean person when i have a migraine and people are talking around me. i don't want to be mean, but i can't help it. its like i am another person completely. this may sound strange, but one sound i always notice when i'm in pain is the sound of a clock ticking. i had a severe disdain for non-digital clocks, probably because of that fact. its just so annoying. "click, click, click, click, click, click." there never even is a pause!!!!!

one attributing factor of migraines is scents. it may sound crazy, but the way things smell can make my migraine go from a pounding headache to a throbbing, painful attack inside my head. there are no particular scents which set me off. if there were, i would do everything in my power to avoid them. its a random thing. like today for example, when i first walked into the office at work, there was a plug in room freshener which made me want to pass out right there. it felt like the little drummer boy was behind my eye playing like he's never played before.

nausea is pretty big side effect from migraines. nausea and smells sometimes go together. well, they usually go together. i think its a psychological thing though. i think i just psych myself out. for example, i was watching the today show and they were showing a wine manufacturing plant. now, one of items on my bucket list is to go grape stomping, but at one point, the camera panned to a bunch of discarded grape peels, and i just felt sick to my stomach. ugh, don't know why but it completely grossed me out.

one of the very few things which usually gets me through a migraine is complete darkness. usually, this leads to me falling asleep (okay, 99% of the time), but i already mentioned sleeping. i'm kind of stuck now though, what do i do? i'm at work. there are many smells in this place, my clients are very talkative, and extremely loud in doing so. even if i tried to close the office door, there is no way i could make it dark enough. one of the walls is pretty much just windows in which you can see main street (and hear all the loud cars that drive by through the slush).

hmm, what have i learned from migraines? over time, i've come to find out that most migraine medications do not work for me. well, actually that isn't quite factual. many migraine medications work for me, but the side effects end up being worse than the migraine itself. usually they make me sick to my stomach for a day or two. and dizzy. and clammy. i remember i had just taken a migraine med right before i writing class in college. 20 minutes into the class, i felt like i was looking through a kaleidoscope. i felt like i was sweating out of every pore on my body, and i was convinced if i moved even a muscle, i would throw up on the spot. i was determined to finish that class, but i think my teacher literally stopped another girl who was work shopping a story to tell me that i needed to go home. actually, he asked me if i was on drugs, and when i told him yes in fact, that i was on migraine meds, he offered to drive me to the emergency room, because he was convinced either the pharmacy gave me the wrong meds or i was allergic to what i took. this morning i learned that although i like to listen to the music in my car at 62 (the loudest it will go on my stereo), when i have a migraine i need to listen to it at 17, and with the window open.

so what to do? i'm going to try to wait this out for a little while. the tv is off, no music, only a small lamp on. we'll see what happens. but wish me luck...

p.s. i must thank bloggers spellcheck for pointing out to me that i obviously do not know how to spell the word migraine. i guess i liked to omit the second "i." now, if you go back and read this again, you are going to realize i used that word MANY times throughout this entry. that was a lot of correcting to do this early in the morning.