Thursday, February 19, 2009
my life is utterly stagnant. my "real" life friends however...well, their lives seem to seriously be progressing.
(disclaimer: i'm so happy for my friends. in fact i'm so so so thankful that my friends lives seem to be moving in the right direction. that's a blessing to me!)
why is my life so stuck? seriously... i'm not claiming that my friends lives are perfect. i'm sure they definitely have daily trials and tribulations to deal with. but they all have *something.*
L just bought a condo on her own and is in a new relationship. S&J, M&G, T&R, H&R, and A&A are all engaged. M and E just had cool babies. A is living up the single life and going on at least 4 dates a week... and wants nothing to do with being in a relationship. A has her new job and boyfriend...we barely even talk any more- my last "single" person to hang out with and i barely see her! K&J just bought a house and got a puppy! S just bought his own house. H&R bought a house too. E moved.
etc., etc., etc!!!!!
i'm sorry for throwing myself a pity party. i just feel sad. i am so glad that my friends have these things. it makes me so happy. i just wish i had something to feel good about. i grew up as the "overachiever." i honestly believed that by the time i was 25 i would have my masters degree, a good job, be in the process of buying a house and be engaged...At Least!!! i know that isn't always realistic- but that's what i expected... that's the path my life was taking.
if i keep going, then all i will do is keep whining. i desperately want a new job. i wouldn't mind dating and meeting new friends (not because i don't want my old friends anymore- i absolutely want them... i just want new ones too.), but i desperately want a new job.
(disclaimer: i'm so happy for my friends. in fact i'm so so so thankful that my friends lives seem to be moving in the right direction. that's a blessing to me!)
why is my life so stuck? seriously... i'm not claiming that my friends lives are perfect. i'm sure they definitely have daily trials and tribulations to deal with. but they all have *something.*
L just bought a condo on her own and is in a new relationship. S&J, M&G, T&R, H&R, and A&A are all engaged. M and E just had cool babies. A is living up the single life and going on at least 4 dates a week... and wants nothing to do with being in a relationship. A has her new job and boyfriend...we barely even talk any more- my last "single" person to hang out with and i barely see her! K&J just bought a house and got a puppy! S just bought his own house. H&R bought a house too. E moved.
etc., etc., etc!!!!!
i'm sorry for throwing myself a pity party. i just feel sad. i am so glad that my friends have these things. it makes me so happy. i just wish i had something to feel good about. i grew up as the "overachiever." i honestly believed that by the time i was 25 i would have my masters degree, a good job, be in the process of buying a house and be engaged...At Least!!! i know that isn't always realistic- but that's what i expected... that's the path my life was taking.
if i keep going, then all i will do is keep whining. i desperately want a new job. i wouldn't mind dating and meeting new friends (not because i don't want my old friends anymore- i absolutely want them... i just want new ones too.), but i desperately want a new job.
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The time it got to me the hardest, I made an attempt at changing my life, but discovered much more in the process. This is actually the very same feeling which led me to create my blog about a year ago, and for that I'm thankful!
The last time this happened, I read an interesting quote from an ancient Asian philosopher writing about a way of life known as "The Tao." His quote actually made me feel better! Think of it as sort of Buddhism or "The Force" from Star Wars.
"Sometimes, there isn't much difference between yes and no, and other times, there isn't much difference between good and bad. We don't always have to be afraid of the same things other people are afraid of. We don't always have to think like other people do.
While other people are happy and having fun, the wise person might be wandering, not knowing what to do or where to go. While other people seem to have everything they want, the wise person might not have much at all. Sometimes, it's natural to feel confused about this. Other people can seem strong and bright, while the wise person seems weak and dim. Others can seem smart all the time, while the wise person sometimes feels foolish. While other people always seem to have many clear goals and desires, the wise person doesn't get attached to moving in any direction. Everyone else is always busy, but the wise person is in no hurry to get anything done. The wise person is different, because he gets his happiness from the Tao instead of the things other people value."
Sometimes life seems like it's not going in your favor but if you stick in there a while, it might be much better than you think
Here's to hoping some of your luck changes over the next few weeks and that things start looking up.
It is alright to go on a little pity party as long as it doesn't go on too long and you don't allow yourself to drink too many pity cocktails.
Keep looking for that new job. Don't give up on that. Apply for everything you think that you would like even if you don't think you will get it. Even if it takes some time keep your eye on the prize. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Hmmm...I am running out of cliche. Ahem...sorry about that.