welcome to the world baby girl cecilia!!!

i know i just wrote a post about a best friend having a baby about a month ago... but my other best friend just had her baby! about 2.5 weeks early to totally surprise me! i'm so excited! since i haven't been able to get in touch with mommy, daddy, grandma or another auntie... so, i'm just going to head out and keep my fingers crossed that she delivered at the hospital i think she did! more on new baby cecilia later!

i'm so in love and i haven't even met her yet! i wasn't ready for this!

i'm a little outraged. and disgusted. and surprised.

arranged marriages? in america? in california? i know it is pretty naive of me to assume that arranged marriages are not being held in america. i'm sure there are some. i guess i just didn't give much thought to it. or, i guess in my mind i kind of thought it would be something like jumpha lahiri's book (or the movie adaptation) the namesake. i apologize if i sound ignorant. i'm just not familiar with a world where you have no choice in whom you spend the rest of your life with. and i am beyond grateful for that. and i am very respectful of other cultures. i'm glad that everyone is different and has different belief systems.

BUT... i have a hard time stomaching arranged marriages of children. and yes, a 16 year old who gets married is a child in my mind.

supposedly, a man in california made an agreement with his neighbor. the conversation must have gone something like this:

"your daughter is one sexy little lady"
"you think so?"
"yeah, i wouldn't mind tapping that ass."
"well, my friend, that ass is hard to come by. i told my daughter she can't give it up until she's married."
"well, maybe she and i should get married."
"my daughter is only 16! she can't get married"
"she can if you give permission. awww, come on what do you want for her?"
"hmm, let me see. i am pretty thirsty. and hungry. and poor. how about '100 cases of Corona beer, 50 cases of Modelo, six bottles of wine, 50 cases of soft drinks and 50 cases of Gatorade?'"
"ehh, i guess thats a fair trade. how about i give you half now, you give me your daughter, and i'll give you the other half in two weeks."
"ok sounds great, i'll bring her over in an hour."

yeah, it only makes sense that a conversation as ridiculous as that was would go something like the above made up one. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE??? am i the only one who thinks there is something so very, very wrong with this situation? and the article is even more crazy! read this quote carefully: "Police also arrested the intended groom, 18-year-old Margarito de Jesus Galindo, on suspicion of statutory rape, but prosecutors have not decided whether to charge him." THE GROOM? the man who bought a 16 year old is considered the GROOM? i might be old fashioned, but i thought the groom's financial purchase for a wedding was an expensive diamond ring? or perhaps to help pay for the wedding or honeymoon or future house?!?!?! not to booze an old man up so you can sex up his little girl! i understand the "groom" is only 18, but when i was 18, i knew better than to buy myself a 16 year old husband. maybe that's just me. and why are the prosecutors unsure as to whether or not they should charge him? that seems pretty cut and dry to me. regardless of cultural background... i'm pretty positive selling and buying YOUNG GIRLS is still illegal. and if it isn't, i could sure as hell use someone to work for me, clean for me, and walk fenway.

anyway. i'm getting even more irritated than i want to be about this. read the article for yourself. its quite humorous and disgusting at the same time.

2008 in pictures...

the love of my life was born: my nephew

the view from room 438

trish asked me and amy to be bridesmaids

me and baby james went on a road trip to VA (mommy and daddy came too!)

my rylo guys in concert. miss y'all!

you're going to have to cut me some slack for the hair/outfit. i just got discharged from the ER and i had to break into my own totaled car!

ouch!

best game of my life! 4th row seats in section 41! perfecto!


i already have so many ATL pics on here, so i figured i'd just put one.

best experience of my life!

hey, don't blame me! this is what my bro and sister-in-law got fen for xmas!

this is what you have to deal with if you live in new england!

you might notice that there is a chunk of time cut out of this review... i simply just didn't want to include any pics of The Ex... you aren't missing too much.

i’m also a sucker for surveys, so since I saw this up on A Perfectly Cursed Life, i figured, what the hell, everyone else is doing one!

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
get over a relationship way quicker than i expected too. like really quickly.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions and will you make more for next year? yes. i resolved to lose some weight and continue to be a non-smoker. i did both of those things without a problem, actually. no, i will not be making new years resolutions. i want to continue growing in 2009, and i want this to be a great year of my life. thats why i don't want to pressure myself into anything. just continue on the path i'm already on. plus, i have a 101 in 1001 to get started on new years day!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
umm, YES! 2008 was the year of baby making and delivery! my nephew was born on 1/3. michaela, sharon and elizabeth got preggo in 2008. and last night, my newphew nicholas was born!!

4. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
peace of mind, happiness. i really only lacked this the first 2/3 of the year though. i just wouldn't mind a very calm, but happy 2009.

5. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
1/3: nephew was born; 1/13: my ex's father died all of a sudden; 2/4: bad health news; 7/3: had to put my cat to sleep; 7/20: the ex and i break up, yay!; 9/23: was at the post season clinching sox game; 10/16: went to game 5 of the ALCS where the sox came back from a 7-0 score to WIN! best game ever, ever, ever; 10/17: went to atl to visit my loves eliz and chris; 12/30: baby nicholas was born. i hope i'm not forgetting anything!

6. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
making myself happy again

7. What was your biggest failure in 2008?
my relationship...but while it appears to be a failure, it was one of the best things that happened to me!

8. Where did most of your money go?
eating out and bills. lol, sad but true.

9. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) Happier or sadder? happier!!!!
b) Thinner or fatter? thinner!!!
c) Richer or poorer? i guess richer, not too much difference though.

10. What do you wish you’d done more of?
put myself first

11. What do you wish you’d done less of?
worry. put my ex first.

12. Did you fall in love in 2008?
with my nephew, yes.

13. What was your favorite TV program?
greys anatomy

14. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
i actually do not hate anyone. there are a number of people i severely do not like, but i don't waste my energy on those people.

15. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
i went to the zoo the morning of my birthday. i turned 24 this year. i was in severe pain the rest of my bday weekend.

16. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
breaking up with The Ex when it all started going downhill in feb.

17. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
slimming down so lots of new pants!

18. What kept you sane?
vacations, my friends and family. wait... was i sane this year?

19. What political issue stirred you the most?
obviously, like most people: the presidential election. locally: the bullshit witch hunt on the superintendent. i can name you a handful of people i WON'T be voting for this coming november. especially the mayor.

20. Who was the best new person you met?
my new blog friends are fantastic. i haven't met them though! i guess i'd say sally is probably the best meet of 2008. (if you don't count my nephew)

21. Tell us what valuable life lessons you learned in 2008...
stop worrying, if he doesn't love you like you love him, then leave him and love yourself, put yourself first, a healthy body=healthy mind.

HOLY CRAP! my best friends and former roommates just had their little baby boy. and i am completely head over heels in love. my heart is broken in 17 places because i can't be there right now at the hospital with them. it just broke in about 12 more places because i can't see my gorgeous little nephew until the middle of march!!!

but you know, its only 3 months from now. time will fly by and they will be here in no time at all. i've decided i am going to start a campaign to get them to move back up here. i don't care if i am supposed to be supportive and not pressure them to do anything. i try to play that role since everyone else feels it is necessary to share their opinions on the situation...but I WILL BE QUIET NO LONGER! i miss them, and there is a major hole in my heart without them in somewhat close proximity. i want our children to grow up together (okay, so i might not have children yet, but whatever one day i want our kids to be besties!)

anyway, off point, like usual. my best friend is a mom. her husband, my other best friend is a father. there is a living combination of them now... my little nephew nicholas. if he is one part eliz and the other part chris than this kid has got COOL written all over him!

baby nicholas,
i am so in love with you already. i promise to be there for you every single day for the rest of my life, even if i might not be living in the same neighborhood. i love you, i love you, i love you. you've only been alive for a few minutes, but you have already managed to change my life and make it better. did i mention that i loved you yet? because i do. i'm counting down the moments until i get to meet you my darling. take care of mommy and daddy in the meantime for me. there is not a moment which will go by which you won't be on my mind.
love you with ever fiber of my being,
auntie erin

today is blog day. or at least i say it is. because of the endless amounts of snow falling from the sky, i only had to work until noon. so i came home with all intentions of taking an afternoon nap, and instead it appears i've spent a large portion of the day snuggled in my bed, with my dog, reading blogs. some are blogs i've subscribed to for a while, others are brand new ones i find by way of nablopomo or 20something bloggers. i've also learned that i need to start making a presence on these two sites if i ever want to make it in this blogging world. i still feel so new to blogging. i feel like every time i feel comfortable on here, something new comes along, and i feel lost again (well, that and i feel as if no one, except wonderful christine, actually reads my blog).

anyway, i really enjoyed my time in blogworld today. i've got quite a few thoughts about it too.

1. i love mommy blogs. looooovvvveeeeee them! when i was on my google reader today, i realized that probably 1/2 of the people i am subscribed to are moms. moms who blog alot about being a mom. quick refresher: i have no kids. so i find this funny.

2. where are all the men bloggers? especially 20something men bloggers? i recently started reading diamondkt who always keeps me entertained. but where are the rest of you? i didn't realize that i only read one male blog. now i feel like i'm being prejudice. also, i wonder if this says something about 20something bloggers...we need to hear more of a man's voice.

3. i also re-read some of my blog. when i ended november's nablopomo, i wasn't too proud of my posts. now that i've had some distance from posting everyday, i realize... i actually like a lot of what i wrote. i have a pretty decent voice if i do say so myself. am i always interesting? no. is what i write going to change society? absolutely not on this blog. but it gets some thoughts out of my head (which i have learned is VERY important), and it also give me a reason to practice regularity with writing.

4. today, i've learned there is something called the "blog carnival' on 20SB. super cool. you better believe i'm going to get started on that in like 37 seconds.

5. i realize that blogging every single day is important to me. it is not easy. but i have a tendency to do things half-ass or take the easy way out. don't get me wrong, i'm a hard worker and i value striving for things, but usually i take on more than i can chew and end up with a half assed result. this being said... some of my posts in november could have been as simple as a quote i liked, because i couldn't think of anything to write... but it was still a post. it kept my brain sharp, and i felt dedicated. this all being said. in january, i will absolutely be doing nablopomo. i'm really excited about this, and i can't wait to find out what the theme will be.

6. i love "new" things. specifically fresh starts. i loveeeeeeeeeeee january 1st. everything about it is great. its the beginning of a new year, you can start fresh with a new calendar, a new agenda. plus, i have this weird belief in odd years (2005, 2007, 2009...). i feel like my life is always better when my age is an even number, but the year is an odd year. (i know, i know... that makes no sense at all, just let me believe it) so come january, this little lady gets to start over. the majority of 2008 was hell for me. life started to get better in august. everything took a lot of effort (everything still takes a lot of effort), but its beautiful to see your hard work pay off. i like myself a whole lot more now than i did the first half of this year. i'm no award winning apple pie, but i am a damn good slice. i'm getting there.

(i love apple pie)

7. i tried to think about what month was the best month for me in 2008. i pick november. january through july would never make the cut. august was good because i felt free, but i felt like everything was one big fuzz. there were so many choices. september wasn't what i hoped it would be. at this very second when i think of september, all i can think of is my jaw problems, and how my TMJ ruined my entire birthday weekend. wait, lets rephrase... my TMJ ruined the entire first two weeks of the month. december has been okay. its been a pretty introspective month, let me tell you. but not bad. i like this whole thinking about big things, but not feeling bad phase. i'm finally coming to terms and being friends with my thoughts again. that's a perfect end to the year. october was a pretty close front runner for the best month. i mean, i spent almost two weeks with elizabeth and chris in atlanta. now, if we were trying to figure out what the best week of the year was... it would absolutely be when i was in the ATL with my best friends (the best day of the year was the day my nephew was born). but in october, i nearly went insane with working too hard.

so, dear november, what should i say about you? quick sum up. in november, i took a lot of chances. i put myself out there to make new friends, to actually trust someone and be vulnerable. i put in the effort to get into a graduate level class. and i put myself out there, and asked my friend kevin if i could be in his monologue show. i learned to enjoy spending some time alone. i put myself out there and reached out to friends, old and new, to make plans and stick with them. this brought on a few amazing nights out. i flirted boldly. i'm still damn proud of that. i don't know. i just feel like it was a month without (too much) drama- a month where i was happy most of the time. so, thank you november.

8. i guess #7 got me on a rant. now i want to post the months in order of best to worst. i'm going to leave december out of this list, because i've still got 10+ days to go, and who knows what will happen in that amount of time!

november: best
october
september
august
march
may
june
july
april
january
february- worst

9. i love comments. please talk to me. make me feel like i'm not alone on this page.

10. the title of my blog is "there and back again." i liked the idea of the name right when i thought it, but compared to my past... its so fitting for a few chapters of my life. there have been a couple of situations where it seems i am right back in a place i once was. even though i never expected to be back there. i wonder if that happens to me "accidentally" or whether its a subconscious thing. i wonder why i keep going back. i think it means i'm not done learning something.

that's it today, folks. for all the new people who might notice i am "following" them, i really enjoyed reading your blogs. keep up the hard work.

things i happen to be thinking about/things i remember thinking about during the day:

1. today i emailed most of my friends and family the web address of this blog. i didn't want anyone to know what i was doing, cause i wasn't sure if i would actually keep up with it, but so far, so good. i'll be honest, this "sharing" makes me nervous. those who know me understand that i am a very honest person. my truthfulness is a great characteristic, but absolutely does get me in trouble. a lot of times people do not want to hear what i say. i'm blunt. i'm actually trying to work on that. i want to be able to be completely honest with someone- even if what i am saying is hard to hear- but i want to learn how to do it without making people upset with me. i guess maybe thats why i am worried to share this blog with my friends and family. i don't want to upset anyone. at the same time, i also do not want people to think differently about me because of what they may read. but you know what? i am what i am. really, it is that simple. the people who are reading this have surely seen their ups and downs with me, and i do know that they will love me regardless of whatever i say or do.... i just hope i don't offend anyone. maybe i should put up some "caution" tape.

(disclaimer: read at your own risk! some material not appropriate for all viewing audiences)

but you know, if i plan on going to get a graduate degree in creative non-fiction, then i sure as hell need to get over my fear of having people read what i write.

2. i have been thinking about change lately. actually, i have been thinking about change quite a bit. maybe that is because i have been doing so much of it this year. do you think it is possible for someone to change? i do. but at the same time, i wonder to what degree people can change.
i think sometimes people don't change simply because they do not allow themselves to change. i for one understand just how scary change can be. but i really feel bad for people who don't put the effort into change just because they don't want to experience the good and bad of it all. i think also, people do not change because there are certain "expectations" of them. i know this one first hand. now, this is my own hang up. i can be whomever i want- but its hard to make others understand that the expectations they may have had at one point, do not line up with whom you are today.

3. i have an appointment for a deep tissue massage next friday. ohhhhh, its going to be so good. i desperately need a massage. in fact, i think i need a weekly massage for a good few months until my body feels relaxed. i love massages. its a damn shame fenway doesn't know how to give a massage. that damn dog never has to do anything in this house. she ought to work for her rent somehow, and she sure as hell isn't doing any cooking or cleaning.

4. it has come to my attention that i make quite a few very expressive faces when i converse. and that i cover my mouth with my hand almost regularly while eating.

5. i love to hug and kiss people. loovvvveeeeeeee it. thank god holly taught me how to hug. sounds silly? well it isn't. i guess i wasn't a good hugger. i was a self conscious hugger. so holly taught me how to be a whole hearted hugger. and i am beyond grateful that she taught me that. because hugging is one of my absolute favorite things to do. now, i get upset when people don't give me a real hug. and i guarantee you've all heard- "wait, i'm not done hugging you yet!" before. but you know what makes me so self conscious? when guys pick me up when they hug me. i don't know why, but it ruins the hug mood for me. i like to be hugged; i like to be picked up. but the combination of the two make me nervous. hell, maybe i need someone to teach me how to hug with my feet off the ground. i'd ask you hol, seeing as you are such a hug pro, but (no offense) i don't think you are strong enough. lol. i'll save you some back strain.

6. i've already gotten responses from my "the secrets out; i've got a blog" email. so far, the responses aren't all as pretty as i hoped. i've been informed that having a blog isn't the best idea, because if i ever were to interview for a job, they could possibly see my blog and that its dangerous to put myself out there. i knew this would happen, but still. i was hoping to hear, "wow, you're the best blogger in the world, even if you've only been at it for a month or so." OR "erin, i am in love with your writing style, my family member/friend/mafia boss/whomever is in charge of graduate admissions at a university/college, and i've already shown him/her your blog. not only are they going to give you an honorary PhD, but they want to hire you as a writing teacher with a starting salary of 55.3 million dollars a year!" well, maybe not, but still. i appreciate all wise words of concern, but as of now, i am a blogger, and that isn't changing. i love you friends and family members!

7. i wonder why people do not compliment each other very often. i try to compliment at least one person a day. i think i started this "compliment project" early on in college, and since it has begun, i've gotten to the point that i don't even think about it any more, i just spew compliments regularly. i mean, it could be as simple as telling someone that the green shirt they are wearing looks great on them. you don't need to get all fancy with your compliments to please anyone. i think just getting a compliment at all is good enough. also, there is nothing more wonderful than an honest compliment, where you know the person saying it means what they say. i have been extremely fortunate to have been on the receiving end of quite a few compliments recently and i must say that it feels really nice. i'm also highly impressed with the choice of adjectives which have been used: "exceptional, stellar, rare and extraordinary" wow. impressed.

8. i am really tired. i require about 20 hours of sleep per day in order to function well. as long as i get about 7, i'll survive. it seems as if i have been getting no more than 5 a night lately, with a few nights being even less.

9. this is a note to all of the felons or lunatics who may possibly stumble across my blog. you might as well just stop looking now, because i really do not have the patience to deal with a lunatic now a days. seriously. it wouldn't entertain me to have a stalker either. plus, i betcha i've got some serious hidden anger issues, and i'd probably win if we got into a dangerous altercation. all i'm saying is that i would kick some serious felon ass. my blog does not want to be friends with anyone with malicious, disrespectful or psychotic interests. so scram.

(also- very important. if you are, or have been, one of my clients or students... you are SSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not allowed to be reading this. so stop. please. thank you)

10. i'm really warm right now, but i know the second i take my sweater off, and i'm wearing just my tee shirt, i am going to get cold. so i'm not taking my sweater off. and that is that.

11. i really do love to eat out. i think i thought about eating out quite a bit today. i should start writing the places i think about down, because whenever it comes time to actually go out and eat, i can never think of a place to go. but i've got all kinds of ideas today.

12. i really miss the emerson family. i don't want to be a selfish person, but i do believe my life is better when they are in it on a regular basis. so, i kind of want them to live near me, like ridiculously close to me. so i can hug them all the time. i love them.

13. it is only the middle of november, and i already miss the red sox.

14. i really want to go to sleep for the night, but it is only 8:36pm. i don't think people over the age of 1o and under the age of 90 are allowed to go to bed at 8:30pm. (unless they want to get made fun of) what to do, what to do?

15. okay, i'm going to watch the episode of grey's i missed last night, bring fenway to the bathroom and then pass out.

goodnight readers who consist of friends, family members and strangers who do not happen to be serial killers, rapists, lunatics, stalkers or anyone else who i's have to beat up.

dear james. today is your first birthday. you are already too old. i remember hanging out with you one year ago today. i really do not understand how it is possible you've gotten cuter since then, but it has happened. i would like for you to stop growing now. you are perfect and i'm in love with you. i wish i could see you more and more, but for some reason, you like to go to bed before i get there. anyway, my dear- i love you, i love you, i love you. happiest first birthday. love, auntie erin.

p.s. thank you for feeding me birthday cake with your fingers at your party. it tasted yummy.

and because i am such a tease at heart, here is another taste of what you'll soon be reading about...

i am 24 years old, or 8, 784 days old. according to my blog. the 365 days prior to september 5, 2008 sure were eventful. it was a pretty large year, and that's as best as i can describe it.

so, 23...gosh. well i guess the best place to start would be the positives. i quit smoking on november 1, 2007 at 10:41am. wow. i'd say that has to be in the top 5 things i have ever done which make me the most proud. i became an "official" aunt on january 3, to the most beautiful little boy in the entire world, baby connor. and while speaking of babies, i also became an "auntie" to baby james conway and found out i would be an "auntie" to baby nicholas emerson and baby girl conway. i love babies. somehow they make life seem brighter. i love that i have such wonderful friends who allow me to be just an integral part of their children's lives. what else happened while i was 23? well, the red sox did win another WORLD SERIES!!! gosh, that was sooo awesome. that night was an absolutely memorable night. there are pictures to prove it.

in my 23rd year of life, there have been some extreme changes in my friend’s lives. babies. engagements. new jobs. new houses. trish and ryan became engaged; michaela/gene and elizabeth/chris found out they are having a babies- a girl and boy respectfully; houses were purchased by holly/ryan and ker/jose and stephan; amy got a new and much better job and moved to providence. audrey graduated and became and RN. millie, laurie and linda all moved up to better positions.

and when there are positives, there are always negatives. i'm trying very hard to live this 24th year of my life not focusing on negatives, but celebrating the positives, although you can't erase tough things from your history. i guess the idea is to use them as building blocks. okay, lets get the negatives over. our family dog khiva died in october of 2007. that was very tough for me. its heartbreaking to have someone you love leave you behind. and then there was the chantix disaster. i'll make this simple- chantix helped me quit smoking which was wonderful, but it also made me feel crazy, which wasn't. nic's stepfather don died. this was very tough because nic's family was still pretty new to me. i didn't know how/what to do to help them. i had no clue how it felt to be any of them, so i was gliding blindly through this situation. i also had three pretty big medical concerns. BIG concerns. i had to put my cat oliver to sleep in july (yes, 2 unexpected family animal deaths in 9 months). the way i handled all of these situations was to worry. and obsess. needless to say- it didn’t help.

what changed? that’s a very good question which there are numerous possible answers. the most honest, forthright answer i could provide is: in order to end the worry/obsessing, i needed to cut ties with that which lead me to worry and obsess. its amazing how life provides you with blessings in disguise. was it easy? no. yes. i’m not sure. it really depends on which angle you look at it. best answer: it was much easier than i believed it would be. when it was time for change, i was simply exhausted. i had invested so much energy into making myself and everyone else happy. honest happiness should never be exhausting. all which is worthwhile deserves effort and energy, but cannot be forced. so, like i said. my exhaustion just led me to feel relieved when it was time to move on. being relieved simply made me happy. and being happy stopped the worrying and obsessing. what a wonderful turn of events. like i said. blessing in disguise.moving on. i’m assuming i should provide an overview of my birthday this year. there isn't much to say. i had a major TMJ attack (jaw). for the most part, that sums up my entire birthday. oh, that and the tropical storm which happened to swing by on the night i was supposed to celebrate my birthday with friends. (oh, and my jaw actually felt decent that ONE night).

every year i always pick the best part, and best present, of my birthday. best part: going to the zoo with holly. that was awesome. i am absolutely in love with the elephants and penguins at roger williams zoo. next year we are going to go to the southwick zoo for my birthday and RIDE the elephants! my best present: its a tough one this year. there was so many great, thoughtful things. michaela and family got me “twilight” with the hopes of getting me addicted to the series. (damnit), the ottoman from ally, connor, jill and michael was excellent because it perfectly matches my new chair. jeremy and amy got me a target gift card (always a good gift) and a “gift certificate” for jeremy to help me hang up all my frames, etc in the living room seeing as how i seem to think its fine to hang everything up with thumb tacs, haha. my parents gave me some cash flow to get me a car starter (necessity in new england) and the girls at work, as well as amy, both got me awesome necklaces. i was spoiled rotten.

my thoughts for the future year? well, its going to be wonderful. this month i was lucky enough to have a birthday, find some solutions for my tmj and will be going to the red sox soon. grey’s anatomy will begin again, and nights in rodanthe will be released in theatres (a movie adaptation of nicholas sparks’ books) october brings a trip to alabama and atlanta (besides connor being born, i believe this will be the highlight of 2008. i miss my roommates. life isn’t as good as it could be without elizabeth and chris) november, december and january will be filled with a huge amount of birthdays and holidays (including james and connor’s first bday, and nicholas’ actual birth day) february more than likely will bring a vacation in virginia, and from them on: who knows!

the future is a clean slate ready to be written on.