love this:

"I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the
lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass. "-Maya Angelou

"I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person."

-Audrey Hepburn

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
(Groucho Marx)

today is blog day. or at least i say it is. because of the endless amounts of snow falling from the sky, i only had to work until noon. so i came home with all intentions of taking an afternoon nap, and instead it appears i've spent a large portion of the day snuggled in my bed, with my dog, reading blogs. some are blogs i've subscribed to for a while, others are brand new ones i find by way of nablopomo or 20something bloggers. i've also learned that i need to start making a presence on these two sites if i ever want to make it in this blogging world. i still feel so new to blogging. i feel like every time i feel comfortable on here, something new comes along, and i feel lost again (well, that and i feel as if no one, except wonderful christine, actually reads my blog).

anyway, i really enjoyed my time in blogworld today. i've got quite a few thoughts about it too.

1. i love mommy blogs. looooovvvveeeeee them! when i was on my google reader today, i realized that probably 1/2 of the people i am subscribed to are moms. moms who blog alot about being a mom. quick refresher: i have no kids. so i find this funny.

2. where are all the men bloggers? especially 20something men bloggers? i recently started reading diamondkt who always keeps me entertained. but where are the rest of you? i didn't realize that i only read one male blog. now i feel like i'm being prejudice. also, i wonder if this says something about 20something bloggers...we need to hear more of a man's voice.

3. i also re-read some of my blog. when i ended november's nablopomo, i wasn't too proud of my posts. now that i've had some distance from posting everyday, i realize... i actually like a lot of what i wrote. i have a pretty decent voice if i do say so myself. am i always interesting? no. is what i write going to change society? absolutely not on this blog. but it gets some thoughts out of my head (which i have learned is VERY important), and it also give me a reason to practice regularity with writing.

4. today, i've learned there is something called the "blog carnival' on 20SB. super cool. you better believe i'm going to get started on that in like 37 seconds.

5. i realize that blogging every single day is important to me. it is not easy. but i have a tendency to do things half-ass or take the easy way out. don't get me wrong, i'm a hard worker and i value striving for things, but usually i take on more than i can chew and end up with a half assed result. this being said... some of my posts in november could have been as simple as a quote i liked, because i couldn't think of anything to write... but it was still a post. it kept my brain sharp, and i felt dedicated. this all being said. in january, i will absolutely be doing nablopomo. i'm really excited about this, and i can't wait to find out what the theme will be.

6. i love "new" things. specifically fresh starts. i loveeeeeeeeeeee january 1st. everything about it is great. its the beginning of a new year, you can start fresh with a new calendar, a new agenda. plus, i have this weird belief in odd years (2005, 2007, 2009...). i feel like my life is always better when my age is an even number, but the year is an odd year. (i know, i know... that makes no sense at all, just let me believe it) so come january, this little lady gets to start over. the majority of 2008 was hell for me. life started to get better in august. everything took a lot of effort (everything still takes a lot of effort), but its beautiful to see your hard work pay off. i like myself a whole lot more now than i did the first half of this year. i'm no award winning apple pie, but i am a damn good slice. i'm getting there.

(i love apple pie)

7. i tried to think about what month was the best month for me in 2008. i pick november. january through july would never make the cut. august was good because i felt free, but i felt like everything was one big fuzz. there were so many choices. september wasn't what i hoped it would be. at this very second when i think of september, all i can think of is my jaw problems, and how my TMJ ruined my entire birthday weekend. wait, lets rephrase... my TMJ ruined the entire first two weeks of the month. december has been okay. its been a pretty introspective month, let me tell you. but not bad. i like this whole thinking about big things, but not feeling bad phase. i'm finally coming to terms and being friends with my thoughts again. that's a perfect end to the year. october was a pretty close front runner for the best month. i mean, i spent almost two weeks with elizabeth and chris in atlanta. now, if we were trying to figure out what the best week of the year was... it would absolutely be when i was in the ATL with my best friends (the best day of the year was the day my nephew was born). but in october, i nearly went insane with working too hard.

so, dear november, what should i say about you? quick sum up. in november, i took a lot of chances. i put myself out there to make new friends, to actually trust someone and be vulnerable. i put in the effort to get into a graduate level class. and i put myself out there, and asked my friend kevin if i could be in his monologue show. i learned to enjoy spending some time alone. i put myself out there and reached out to friends, old and new, to make plans and stick with them. this brought on a few amazing nights out. i flirted boldly. i'm still damn proud of that. i don't know. i just feel like it was a month without (too much) drama- a month where i was happy most of the time. so, thank you november.

8. i guess #7 got me on a rant. now i want to post the months in order of best to worst. i'm going to leave december out of this list, because i've still got 10+ days to go, and who knows what will happen in that amount of time!

november: best
october
september
august
march
may
june
july
april
january
february- worst

9. i love comments. please talk to me. make me feel like i'm not alone on this page.

10. the title of my blog is "there and back again." i liked the idea of the name right when i thought it, but compared to my past... its so fitting for a few chapters of my life. there have been a couple of situations where it seems i am right back in a place i once was. even though i never expected to be back there. i wonder if that happens to me "accidentally" or whether its a subconscious thing. i wonder why i keep going back. i think it means i'm not done learning something.

that's it today, folks. for all the new people who might notice i am "following" them, i really enjoyed reading your blogs. keep up the hard work.

don't worry... i'm still here.

here... just feeling quiet this week.

updates: i've been emailing a teacher from the local university about taking a graduate level literary nonfiction class this coming semester. i actually didn't think i would be able to take the class, because you need to be a matriculated student to register. i guess i've got someone pulling for me out there, because I'M IN!!!! you heard that right. i am officially a (non-matriculated) GRADUATE STUDENT!!!! i've been waiting to say that since the beginning of my senior year in college. and quite some time has passed since then.

so, i'm excited. i'm also apprehensive. but, more excited than apprehensive.

jude, my 2004 saturn vue, is quite sick. he's in the car hospital right now as i type. and i miss him. that's my man. he's my homeboy. we have ultimate dance parties together. he hears me sing more than anyone (anything) else. apparently, when he was born, he was given a "special function," called a VTi. aka variable transmission with intelligence. don't get me wrong, jude's one smarty pants. for whatever reason, saturn felt the need to make him just "that much" smarter.

turns out, just like in people, too much intelligence stunts you in other ways. in jude, his VTi apparently malfunctions. all saturn vues from 2003-2005 seem to have this hidden fault. it became such a problem that GM decided to completely stop making VTi transmission. there was a huge canadian class action suit about this. supposedly one is starting in california and illinois as well. maybe i will move there. i'm just not sure jude would actually make it past state lines at this point. (did i mention that i purchased my car in may of this year? i'll do the math for you... i've owned it for just a little more than 6 months

and anytime you feel the pain, hey jude, refrain, don't carry the world upon your shoulders.

i miss my man.

well, folks. its getting late. i'm going to go back to being quiet now.

"i write so that my handful of pebbles, cast daily into still waters, will produce a ripple. " —anne schroeder

i'm pissed off. i almost deleted my entire blog. instead i blocked it.
then i decided i would just get a new blog. so i did.
then i missed this blog.
so i erased that blog.
stared at this one for a little while.
redecorated it (because that always makes me feel better).

so i sat and thought about what i wanted to do. what the best decision would be for a gal in my situation.

it appears as if some people close to me do not like the fact that i am blogging. they are worried about me. worried that a crazy person, who will have all of my information once they read this, will pop in my life and do rotten things to me, i guess. in the conversation as to why the blog thing "isn't a good idea," the question was also raised: "well, what if your friends and family don't want you to write about them. what if they don't want their lives written about on your blog." i think this is a very valid question. i also think this is a large reason as to why people aren't so fond of my blogging. this question is something i have discussed at great lengths in college writing classes. the role of the reader, who is also the subject. i'm too aggravated to write more about this, and unfortunately, couldn't find the quote i wanted to include... so i am just including some randoms which stood out to me.

"If you love to write, then write. Don't let your goal be having a novel published, let your goal be enjoying your stories. However, if you finish your story and you want to share it, be brave about it. Don't doubt your story's appeal. If you are a good reader, and you know what is interesting, and your story is interesting to you, then trust in that. If I would have realized that the stories in my head would be as intriguing to others as they were to me, I would probably have started writing sooner. Believe in your own taste." -stephenie meyer

"it's not just the books under fire now that worry me. it is the books that will never be written. the books that will never be read. and all due to the fear of censorship. as always, young readers will be the real losers." -judy blume

"A writer is a person who cares what words mean, what they say, how they say it. Writers know words are their way towards truth and freedom, and so they use them with care, with thought, with fear, with delight. By using words well they strengthen their souls. Story-tellers and poets spend their lives learning that skill and art of using words well. And their words make the souls of their readers stronger, brighter, deeper." — Ursula K. Le Guin

"A good writer refuses to be socialized. He insists on his own version of things, his own consciousness. And by doing so he draws the reader’s eye from its usual groove into a new way of seeing." -bill barich

"We are important and our lives are important, magnificent really, and their details are worthy to be recorded. This is how writers must think, this is how we must sit down with pen in hand. We were here; we are human beings; this is how we lived. Let it be known, the earth passed before us. Our details are important. Otherwise, if they are not, we can drop a bomb and it doesn't matter. . . Recording the details of our lives is a stance against bombs with their mass ability to kill, against too much speed and efficiency. A writer must say yes to life, to all of life: the water glasses, the Kemp's half-and-half, the ketchup on the counter. It is not a writer's task to say, "It is dumb to live in a small town or to eat in a café when you can eat macrobiotic at home." Our task is to say a holy yes to the real things of our life as they exist – the real truth of who we are: several pounds overweight, the gray, cold street outside, the Christmas tinsel in the showcase, the Jewish writer in the orange booth across from her blond friend who has black children. We must become writers who accept things as they are, come to love the details, and step forward with a yes on our lips so there can be no more noes in the world, noes that invalidate life and stop these details from continuing." -natalie goldberg

""Trust in what you love, continue to do it, and it will take you where you need to go.”" -natalie goldberg

"Be what you would seem to be - or, if you'd like it put more simply - never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise." — Lewis Carroll

“things outside you are projections of what’s inside you, and what’s inside you is a projection of what’s outside.
so when you step into the labyrinth outside you, at the same time you’re stepping into the labyrinth inside. ”

haruki murakami: kafka on the shore.

i am thinking today may be a conglomeration of random posts. i'm working. i know i haven't found something to post yet for today's official "stealing saturday", but its coming.

for now, i would like to say that i have just decided to learn more about nelson mandela. he is so uber cool. wow. i think that all the words i've heard from his mouth (so far) have been extremely inspirational. for example:

"where people of goodwill get together and transcend their differences for the common good, peaceful and just solutions can be found even for those problems wich seem most intractable." -nelson mandela

i found this book called "wisdom" i want to get. it has quotations and pictures of 50 very inspirational luminaries or philanthropists. all the royalties will be split 50 ways and donated to the charities of the subject's choice. wowee. isn't that sooooooo my kind of book? trouble is... i've got about 130 books (literally) which i need to read before i can start buying new books. seriously. i went on a book buying spree. actually- i don't quite think i stopped buying books... i'm just not reading as quickly as i'm buying.

so maybe i should stop typing, and start reading? i'm thinking i should be able to start "wisdom" in january... we will see.

"we write to taste life twice, once in the moment and in retrospection." -anais nin