so, right before my bday begins, this character comes and sits down at my table to hit on us girls. his name was nick, and he was in the navy. don't make me explain my history with nicks... or the navy. lets just say been there and done that... worst: his friend joined the table...and his name was nick...and he was from the navy.... i felt like if i didn't get these boys away, i would be bringing in my birthday with some kind of bad omen... but the guys were fun.. they really ended up being irritating. but it was humorous. i thought the above pic was funny. it kind of just said it all...

the girls i brought my birthday in with... miss amy and miss monica. wonderful company.

the guys boutonnieres

aww, i got a birthday cake! so excited.

i didn't get a picture last year of me blowing out my candles, so i was SURE to get one this year. and i made a great wish!

one of my favorite girls whom i miss terribly.

the traditional tequila shot with mic and nic, ha.

wow, i used to be able to drink when i lived in virginia. what happened? umm, good tequila is what happened i guess.

(really, i guess i just can't drink like i used to... it isn't the tequilas fault!)

captain jim

besties since we met in virginia. thank goodness we live in the same area still.

my wife and her fiance moved from RI to VA, but the opposite side of VA than norfolk. and they drove all the way to norfolk to celebrate my birthday with me. how much better can that be. amazing friends i have.

we brought the north to the south.

overall erin, how was your birthday? well, i give it a damn thumbs up...

grace in small things
130th edition
today instead of writing about a few of the things i am most grateful for, i'm just going to post some pictures.
these were taken at gene's 30th birthday party. the guys in the band are Rylo, some of my very closest friends who live in virginia, but came up to play at the party. what a damn great night. perfect.

grace # 129
today i am grateful for
genes bday (which is tomorrow) and his surprise party (which is today) shhhh....
rylo coming up from VA to play at gene's party
swimming- or at least hopefully being able to go in the pool.
seeing other friends- i miss nick and brian and steph, etc and they will all be there
it being a nice day for a party- the weather stinks lately, so i am SO GLAD it will be a nice day to celebrate!

this is the 125th edition of my grace in small things post.
and i am beyond grateful for an amazing birthday boy and a simply wonderful birthday girl.
i don't think either of them would really want their pictures up here, so in good spirits i'm not posting any pictures today.

i just wanted to take a moment to be thankful. these two are both very important to me. they have both been in my life for quite some time now. even if nicholas doubles lauren's amount of time for knowing me. either way. they both have stuck through the good and bad, the speed bumps, the exciting moments. and they are both still here. i don't see either of them as often as i would like to. but i am in awe over them. they are both beautiful on the inside and out. they have taught me so many things.

my life is simply better because they are in it.

happy birthday, nicholas and lauren. i hope this future year brings beautiful moments into your lives.

grace number thirty nine
today i am most grateful for my oldest brother

it is his birthday today. after work i was lucky enough to make it on time to his house for a cookout in his honor. he is weary of the blogging world, so instead of sharing any more info about brother X, i will just post the lyrics to a song we liked to sing when we were children in his honor...

Jeremiah was a bullfrog, he was good friend of mine.
I never understood a single word he said but I helped him drink his wine.
He always had some mighty fine wine.
Sing it
Joy to the world...
all the boys and girls now ,
joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea
and joy to you and me.
And if i were the king of the world ,
i tell you what i would do.
Id throw away the cars and the bars in the world
and id make sweet love to you.
Sing it now :
Joy the the world ,
all the boys and girls ,
joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea ,
joy to you and me.
Yah know I love the ladies ,
love to have my fun ...
i'm a hard knock flyer and a rain bow rider ...
a strait shootin son of a gun ,
i said a strait shootin son of a gun.
Joy to the world ,
all the boys and girls ,
joy to all the fishes in the deep blue sea ,
joy to you and me.
Joy to the world ,
all the boys and girls ,
joy to the world
joy to you and me
Joy to the world ,
all the boys and girls ,
joy to the fishies in the deep blue sea
joy to you and me.

happy birthday brother x. i love you!

okay so i have seriously slacked on my grace in small things entries. my last one was on 2/23/09. i was planning on just jumping right back in and starting again at number 12... but then my conscious was nagging me. i'm glad i posted 11 g.i.s.t.'s, but one of the reasons i joined, (besides waging the war against embitterment) was to help my complete #66 on my 101 in 1001 list. and number 66 says that i will write at least one thing i am grateful for every day for 365 days. so if i jumped right back in, it wouldn't be fair to my list, and the list is something i am trying to work very hard on. so i decided, i've got some time... lets begin again. so here we are folks, at the starting point. welcome back to a blog that not only entertains you, but suffocates you with gratitude :)

grace number one...
1. getting an a- on my first real graduate paper!
2. having such a warm response about my paper from my classmates during my workshop critique.
3. meeting my favorite author and having her autograph her new book for me!
4. jessica f, ash muslim, christin j, cornmuffin and michaela who all had birthdays this week!
5. agendas and lists, cause its the only way i can keep my monkey mind in check.

i’m also a sucker for surveys, so since I saw this up on A Perfectly Cursed Life, i figured, what the hell, everyone else is doing one!

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
get over a relationship way quicker than i expected too. like really quickly.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions and will you make more for next year? yes. i resolved to lose some weight and continue to be a non-smoker. i did both of those things without a problem, actually. no, i will not be making new years resolutions. i want to continue growing in 2009, and i want this to be a great year of my life. thats why i don't want to pressure myself into anything. just continue on the path i'm already on. plus, i have a 101 in 1001 to get started on new years day!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
umm, YES! 2008 was the year of baby making and delivery! my nephew was born on 1/3. michaela, sharon and elizabeth got preggo in 2008. and last night, my newphew nicholas was born!!

4. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
peace of mind, happiness. i really only lacked this the first 2/3 of the year though. i just wouldn't mind a very calm, but happy 2009.

5. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
1/3: nephew was born; 1/13: my ex's father died all of a sudden; 2/4: bad health news; 7/3: had to put my cat to sleep; 7/20: the ex and i break up, yay!; 9/23: was at the post season clinching sox game; 10/16: went to game 5 of the ALCS where the sox came back from a 7-0 score to WIN! best game ever, ever, ever; 10/17: went to atl to visit my loves eliz and chris; 12/30: baby nicholas was born. i hope i'm not forgetting anything!

6. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
making myself happy again

7. What was your biggest failure in 2008?
my relationship...but while it appears to be a failure, it was one of the best things that happened to me!

8. Where did most of your money go?
eating out and bills. lol, sad but true.

9. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) Happier or sadder? happier!!!!
b) Thinner or fatter? thinner!!!
c) Richer or poorer? i guess richer, not too much difference though.

10. What do you wish you’d done more of?
put myself first

11. What do you wish you’d done less of?
worry. put my ex first.

12. Did you fall in love in 2008?
with my nephew, yes.

13. What was your favorite TV program?
greys anatomy

14. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
i actually do not hate anyone. there are a number of people i severely do not like, but i don't waste my energy on those people.

15. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
i went to the zoo the morning of my birthday. i turned 24 this year. i was in severe pain the rest of my bday weekend.

16. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
breaking up with The Ex when it all started going downhill in feb.

17. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
slimming down so lots of new pants!

18. What kept you sane?
vacations, my friends and family. wait... was i sane this year?

19. What political issue stirred you the most?
obviously, like most people: the presidential election. locally: the bullshit witch hunt on the superintendent. i can name you a handful of people i WON'T be voting for this coming november. especially the mayor.

20. Who was the best new person you met?
my new blog friends are fantastic. i haven't met them though! i guess i'd say sally is probably the best meet of 2008. (if you don't count my nephew)

21. Tell us what valuable life lessons you learned in 2008...
stop worrying, if he doesn't love you like you love him, then leave him and love yourself, put yourself first, a healthy body=healthy mind.

HOLY CRAP! my best friends and former roommates just had their little baby boy. and i am completely head over heels in love. my heart is broken in 17 places because i can't be there right now at the hospital with them. it just broke in about 12 more places because i can't see my gorgeous little nephew until the middle of march!!!

but you know, its only 3 months from now. time will fly by and they will be here in no time at all. i've decided i am going to start a campaign to get them to move back up here. i don't care if i am supposed to be supportive and not pressure them to do anything. i try to play that role since everyone else feels it is necessary to share their opinions on the situation...but I WILL BE QUIET NO LONGER! i miss them, and there is a major hole in my heart without them in somewhat close proximity. i want our children to grow up together (okay, so i might not have children yet, but whatever one day i want our kids to be besties!)

anyway, off point, like usual. my best friend is a mom. her husband, my other best friend is a father. there is a living combination of them now... my little nephew nicholas. if he is one part eliz and the other part chris than this kid has got COOL written all over him!

baby nicholas,
i am so in love with you already. i promise to be there for you every single day for the rest of my life, even if i might not be living in the same neighborhood. i love you, i love you, i love you. you've only been alive for a few minutes, but you have already managed to change my life and make it better. did i mention that i loved you yet? because i do. i'm counting down the moments until i get to meet you my darling. take care of mommy and daddy in the meantime for me. there is not a moment which will go by which you won't be on my mind.
love you with ever fiber of my being,
auntie erin

today is blog day. or at least i say it is. because of the endless amounts of snow falling from the sky, i only had to work until noon. so i came home with all intentions of taking an afternoon nap, and instead it appears i've spent a large portion of the day snuggled in my bed, with my dog, reading blogs. some are blogs i've subscribed to for a while, others are brand new ones i find by way of nablopomo or 20something bloggers. i've also learned that i need to start making a presence on these two sites if i ever want to make it in this blogging world. i still feel so new to blogging. i feel like every time i feel comfortable on here, something new comes along, and i feel lost again (well, that and i feel as if no one, except wonderful christine, actually reads my blog).

anyway, i really enjoyed my time in blogworld today. i've got quite a few thoughts about it too.

1. i love mommy blogs. looooovvvveeeeee them! when i was on my google reader today, i realized that probably 1/2 of the people i am subscribed to are moms. moms who blog alot about being a mom. quick refresher: i have no kids. so i find this funny.

2. where are all the men bloggers? especially 20something men bloggers? i recently started reading diamondkt who always keeps me entertained. but where are the rest of you? i didn't realize that i only read one male blog. now i feel like i'm being prejudice. also, i wonder if this says something about 20something bloggers...we need to hear more of a man's voice.

3. i also re-read some of my blog. when i ended november's nablopomo, i wasn't too proud of my posts. now that i've had some distance from posting everyday, i realize... i actually like a lot of what i wrote. i have a pretty decent voice if i do say so myself. am i always interesting? no. is what i write going to change society? absolutely not on this blog. but it gets some thoughts out of my head (which i have learned is VERY important), and it also give me a reason to practice regularity with writing.

4. today, i've learned there is something called the "blog carnival' on 20SB. super cool. you better believe i'm going to get started on that in like 37 seconds.

5. i realize that blogging every single day is important to me. it is not easy. but i have a tendency to do things half-ass or take the easy way out. don't get me wrong, i'm a hard worker and i value striving for things, but usually i take on more than i can chew and end up with a half assed result. this being said... some of my posts in november could have been as simple as a quote i liked, because i couldn't think of anything to write... but it was still a post. it kept my brain sharp, and i felt dedicated. this all being said. in january, i will absolutely be doing nablopomo. i'm really excited about this, and i can't wait to find out what the theme will be.

6. i love "new" things. specifically fresh starts. i loveeeeeeeeeeee january 1st. everything about it is great. its the beginning of a new year, you can start fresh with a new calendar, a new agenda. plus, i have this weird belief in odd years (2005, 2007, 2009...). i feel like my life is always better when my age is an even number, but the year is an odd year. (i know, i know... that makes no sense at all, just let me believe it) so come january, this little lady gets to start over. the majority of 2008 was hell for me. life started to get better in august. everything took a lot of effort (everything still takes a lot of effort), but its beautiful to see your hard work pay off. i like myself a whole lot more now than i did the first half of this year. i'm no award winning apple pie, but i am a damn good slice. i'm getting there.

(i love apple pie)

7. i tried to think about what month was the best month for me in 2008. i pick november. january through july would never make the cut. august was good because i felt free, but i felt like everything was one big fuzz. there were so many choices. september wasn't what i hoped it would be. at this very second when i think of september, all i can think of is my jaw problems, and how my TMJ ruined my entire birthday weekend. wait, lets rephrase... my TMJ ruined the entire first two weeks of the month. december has been okay. its been a pretty introspective month, let me tell you. but not bad. i like this whole thinking about big things, but not feeling bad phase. i'm finally coming to terms and being friends with my thoughts again. that's a perfect end to the year. october was a pretty close front runner for the best month. i mean, i spent almost two weeks with elizabeth and chris in atlanta. now, if we were trying to figure out what the best week of the year was... it would absolutely be when i was in the ATL with my best friends (the best day of the year was the day my nephew was born). but in october, i nearly went insane with working too hard.

so, dear november, what should i say about you? quick sum up. in november, i took a lot of chances. i put myself out there to make new friends, to actually trust someone and be vulnerable. i put in the effort to get into a graduate level class. and i put myself out there, and asked my friend kevin if i could be in his monologue show. i learned to enjoy spending some time alone. i put myself out there and reached out to friends, old and new, to make plans and stick with them. this brought on a few amazing nights out. i flirted boldly. i'm still damn proud of that. i don't know. i just feel like it was a month without (too much) drama- a month where i was happy most of the time. so, thank you november.

8. i guess #7 got me on a rant. now i want to post the months in order of best to worst. i'm going to leave december out of this list, because i've still got 10+ days to go, and who knows what will happen in that amount of time!

november: best
october
september
august
march
may
june
july
april
january
february- worst

9. i love comments. please talk to me. make me feel like i'm not alone on this page.

10. the title of my blog is "there and back again." i liked the idea of the name right when i thought it, but compared to my past... its so fitting for a few chapters of my life. there have been a couple of situations where it seems i am right back in a place i once was. even though i never expected to be back there. i wonder if that happens to me "accidentally" or whether its a subconscious thing. i wonder why i keep going back. i think it means i'm not done learning something.

that's it today, folks. for all the new people who might notice i am "following" them, i really enjoyed reading your blogs. keep up the hard work.

things seem to be going very well for me this week. but yet, i still feel the need to complain. ha. i'm starting to wonder if this is a major character flaw of mine, or just simply human nature.

i don't really have enough time to get into explaining my last post where i teased y'all with my good news. i'm sorry. i fell off the blogging bandwagon and i need to get right back on track. but synopsis again: i got accepted into a grad class. i had a monologue written specifically for me... which means, i will be acting again. those two facts are enough to be the star on top of my christmas tree, lol. i've wanted to be an actress again and a grad. student for quite some time, so i should just be walking on clouds right now.

and i am. oh, you better believe i am.

but, i'm still disappointed with a situation which played out in a way i really didn't expect it would. its really not fair of me to talk about it, without really explaining it all. i just don't want to get into details. its tough not knowing who is actually reading my blog. it makes me want to only disclose a certain amount of information. thats silly actually. one of the reasons i started this blog was that i wanted to get comfortable with "nonfiction" ha. i mean- i wanted to feel comfortable with honesty regardless of who may be reading. i spent a good portion of this year sharing what i thought other people wanted to hear, therefore, not sharing a lot of my "truth." i guess it all goes back to my previous post on the word "vulnerable." many people have "public" persona's. not because they are trying to be nefarious or shady. just because they are who they feel they are expected to be. a lot of the time, i just don't share everything because i don't want to hurt another person or embarrass myself.

but i am getting away from my point.

i'm disappointed in a person who i really respect and admire. this person is a new person in my life, so while i don't actually know this person as well as some of my other friends, i feel like we really "clicked." i'm disappointed because the person is pretty nonexistent lately- and the absenteeism is pretty obvious. i'm not disappointed per say that this person isn't around. i'm more disappointed because of the way they disappeared. vanished. i think this person is a stand up person, so the hiding really bothers me, because this person is above that. i guess it bothers me most because i haven't trusted many people in a long time. and i felt, and oddly still feel, like i trust this person. so i'm a little angry. but mostly, i'm really hurt.

oh, well. what can you do? do i think i'll never talk to this person again? no. i'm sure i will. i know i'm even being more dramatic about this situation than i should. again, i'm mainly upset because i put my full faith in a person who didn't think would let me down. i'm sure things will work themselves out.

i should probably stop complaining. life is good. i've got my brother and my best friends birthday parties to attend tonight. so i need to get going.

dear james. today is your first birthday. you are already too old. i remember hanging out with you one year ago today. i really do not understand how it is possible you've gotten cuter since then, but it has happened. i would like for you to stop growing now. you are perfect and i'm in love with you. i wish i could see you more and more, but for some reason, you like to go to bed before i get there. anyway, my dear- i love you, i love you, i love you. happiest first birthday. love, auntie erin.

p.s. thank you for feeding me birthday cake with your fingers at your party. it tasted yummy.

dear fenway,

i love you.
today you are four years old.
in two days, i will have been your mommy for two years and one month.
quite a bit has changed in our life, huh little lady?
we moved in with elizabeth, christopher and emmie the puppy in virginia.
then we moved back to mommy's home in massachusetts.
you had to learn what it was like to share mommy with her family dog, khiva.
and then, unexpectedly, we had to say goodbye to auntie khiva and uncle oliver the cat.
i miss khiva and oliver, and i can tell you do too.
but here we are- october 27, 2008.
it is your fourth birthday and tonight, we just celebrated with a special party just for you.
ally made you a special present.
after work i went to go get you some coffee puppy ice cream.
and then the party started.

so fenway, on your special day, i just wanted to let you know how happy i am to have you in my life and how very much i love you.
you make every day of my life just that much better.

love mommy

i am 24 years old, or 8, 784 days old. according to my blog. the 365 days prior to september 5, 2008 sure were eventful. it was a pretty large year, and that's as best as i can describe it.

so, 23...gosh. well i guess the best place to start would be the positives. i quit smoking on november 1, 2007 at 10:41am. wow. i'd say that has to be in the top 5 things i have ever done which make me the most proud. i became an "official" aunt on january 3, to the most beautiful little boy in the entire world, baby connor. and while speaking of babies, i also became an "auntie" to baby james conway and found out i would be an "auntie" to baby nicholas emerson and baby girl conway. i love babies. somehow they make life seem brighter. i love that i have such wonderful friends who allow me to be just an integral part of their children's lives. what else happened while i was 23? well, the red sox did win another WORLD SERIES!!! gosh, that was sooo awesome. that night was an absolutely memorable night. there are pictures to prove it.

in my 23rd year of life, there have been some extreme changes in my friend’s lives. babies. engagements. new jobs. new houses. trish and ryan became engaged; michaela/gene and elizabeth/chris found out they are having a babies- a girl and boy respectfully; houses were purchased by holly/ryan and ker/jose and stephan; amy got a new and much better job and moved to providence. audrey graduated and became and RN. millie, laurie and linda all moved up to better positions.

and when there are positives, there are always negatives. i'm trying very hard to live this 24th year of my life not focusing on negatives, but celebrating the positives, although you can't erase tough things from your history. i guess the idea is to use them as building blocks. okay, lets get the negatives over. our family dog khiva died in october of 2007. that was very tough for me. its heartbreaking to have someone you love leave you behind. and then there was the chantix disaster. i'll make this simple- chantix helped me quit smoking which was wonderful, but it also made me feel crazy, which wasn't. nic's stepfather don died. this was very tough because nic's family was still pretty new to me. i didn't know how/what to do to help them. i had no clue how it felt to be any of them, so i was gliding blindly through this situation. i also had three pretty big medical concerns. BIG concerns. i had to put my cat oliver to sleep in july (yes, 2 unexpected family animal deaths in 9 months). the way i handled all of these situations was to worry. and obsess. needless to say- it didn’t help.

what changed? that’s a very good question which there are numerous possible answers. the most honest, forthright answer i could provide is: in order to end the worry/obsessing, i needed to cut ties with that which lead me to worry and obsess. its amazing how life provides you with blessings in disguise. was it easy? no. yes. i’m not sure. it really depends on which angle you look at it. best answer: it was much easier than i believed it would be. when it was time for change, i was simply exhausted. i had invested so much energy into making myself and everyone else happy. honest happiness should never be exhausting. all which is worthwhile deserves effort and energy, but cannot be forced. so, like i said. my exhaustion just led me to feel relieved when it was time to move on. being relieved simply made me happy. and being happy stopped the worrying and obsessing. what a wonderful turn of events. like i said. blessing in disguise.moving on. i’m assuming i should provide an overview of my birthday this year. there isn't much to say. i had a major TMJ attack (jaw). for the most part, that sums up my entire birthday. oh, that and the tropical storm which happened to swing by on the night i was supposed to celebrate my birthday with friends. (oh, and my jaw actually felt decent that ONE night).

every year i always pick the best part, and best present, of my birthday. best part: going to the zoo with holly. that was awesome. i am absolutely in love with the elephants and penguins at roger williams zoo. next year we are going to go to the southwick zoo for my birthday and RIDE the elephants! my best present: its a tough one this year. there was so many great, thoughtful things. michaela and family got me “twilight” with the hopes of getting me addicted to the series. (damnit), the ottoman from ally, connor, jill and michael was excellent because it perfectly matches my new chair. jeremy and amy got me a target gift card (always a good gift) and a “gift certificate” for jeremy to help me hang up all my frames, etc in the living room seeing as how i seem to think its fine to hang everything up with thumb tacs, haha. my parents gave me some cash flow to get me a car starter (necessity in new england) and the girls at work, as well as amy, both got me awesome necklaces. i was spoiled rotten.

my thoughts for the future year? well, its going to be wonderful. this month i was lucky enough to have a birthday, find some solutions for my tmj and will be going to the red sox soon. grey’s anatomy will begin again, and nights in rodanthe will be released in theatres (a movie adaptation of nicholas sparks’ books) october brings a trip to alabama and atlanta (besides connor being born, i believe this will be the highlight of 2008. i miss my roommates. life isn’t as good as it could be without elizabeth and chris) november, december and january will be filled with a huge amount of birthdays and holidays (including james and connor’s first bday, and nicholas’ actual birth day) february more than likely will bring a vacation in virginia, and from them on: who knows!

the future is a clean slate ready to be written on.