things i happen to be thinking about/things i remember thinking about during the day:

1. today i emailed most of my friends and family the web address of this blog. i didn't want anyone to know what i was doing, cause i wasn't sure if i would actually keep up with it, but so far, so good. i'll be honest, this "sharing" makes me nervous. those who know me understand that i am a very honest person. my truthfulness is a great characteristic, but absolutely does get me in trouble. a lot of times people do not want to hear what i say. i'm blunt. i'm actually trying to work on that. i want to be able to be completely honest with someone- even if what i am saying is hard to hear- but i want to learn how to do it without making people upset with me. i guess maybe thats why i am worried to share this blog with my friends and family. i don't want to upset anyone. at the same time, i also do not want people to think differently about me because of what they may read. but you know what? i am what i am. really, it is that simple. the people who are reading this have surely seen their ups and downs with me, and i do know that they will love me regardless of whatever i say or do.... i just hope i don't offend anyone. maybe i should put up some "caution" tape.

(disclaimer: read at your own risk! some material not appropriate for all viewing audiences)

but you know, if i plan on going to get a graduate degree in creative non-fiction, then i sure as hell need to get over my fear of having people read what i write.

2. i have been thinking about change lately. actually, i have been thinking about change quite a bit. maybe that is because i have been doing so much of it this year. do you think it is possible for someone to change? i do. but at the same time, i wonder to what degree people can change.
i think sometimes people don't change simply because they do not allow themselves to change. i for one understand just how scary change can be. but i really feel bad for people who don't put the effort into change just because they don't want to experience the good and bad of it all. i think also, people do not change because there are certain "expectations" of them. i know this one first hand. now, this is my own hang up. i can be whomever i want- but its hard to make others understand that the expectations they may have had at one point, do not line up with whom you are today.

3. i have an appointment for a deep tissue massage next friday. ohhhhh, its going to be so good. i desperately need a massage. in fact, i think i need a weekly massage for a good few months until my body feels relaxed. i love massages. its a damn shame fenway doesn't know how to give a massage. that damn dog never has to do anything in this house. she ought to work for her rent somehow, and she sure as hell isn't doing any cooking or cleaning.

4. it has come to my attention that i make quite a few very expressive faces when i converse. and that i cover my mouth with my hand almost regularly while eating.

5. i love to hug and kiss people. loovvvveeeeeeee it. thank god holly taught me how to hug. sounds silly? well it isn't. i guess i wasn't a good hugger. i was a self conscious hugger. so holly taught me how to be a whole hearted hugger. and i am beyond grateful that she taught me that. because hugging is one of my absolute favorite things to do. now, i get upset when people don't give me a real hug. and i guarantee you've all heard- "wait, i'm not done hugging you yet!" before. but you know what makes me so self conscious? when guys pick me up when they hug me. i don't know why, but it ruins the hug mood for me. i like to be hugged; i like to be picked up. but the combination of the two make me nervous. hell, maybe i need someone to teach me how to hug with my feet off the ground. i'd ask you hol, seeing as you are such a hug pro, but (no offense) i don't think you are strong enough. lol. i'll save you some back strain.

6. i've already gotten responses from my "the secrets out; i've got a blog" email. so far, the responses aren't all as pretty as i hoped. i've been informed that having a blog isn't the best idea, because if i ever were to interview for a job, they could possibly see my blog and that its dangerous to put myself out there. i knew this would happen, but still. i was hoping to hear, "wow, you're the best blogger in the world, even if you've only been at it for a month or so." OR "erin, i am in love with your writing style, my family member/friend/mafia boss/whomever is in charge of graduate admissions at a university/college, and i've already shown him/her your blog. not only are they going to give you an honorary PhD, but they want to hire you as a writing teacher with a starting salary of 55.3 million dollars a year!" well, maybe not, but still. i appreciate all wise words of concern, but as of now, i am a blogger, and that isn't changing. i love you friends and family members!

7. i wonder why people do not compliment each other very often. i try to compliment at least one person a day. i think i started this "compliment project" early on in college, and since it has begun, i've gotten to the point that i don't even think about it any more, i just spew compliments regularly. i mean, it could be as simple as telling someone that the green shirt they are wearing looks great on them. you don't need to get all fancy with your compliments to please anyone. i think just getting a compliment at all is good enough. also, there is nothing more wonderful than an honest compliment, where you know the person saying it means what they say. i have been extremely fortunate to have been on the receiving end of quite a few compliments recently and i must say that it feels really nice. i'm also highly impressed with the choice of adjectives which have been used: "exceptional, stellar, rare and extraordinary" wow. impressed.

8. i am really tired. i require about 20 hours of sleep per day in order to function well. as long as i get about 7, i'll survive. it seems as if i have been getting no more than 5 a night lately, with a few nights being even less.

9. this is a note to all of the felons or lunatics who may possibly stumble across my blog. you might as well just stop looking now, because i really do not have the patience to deal with a lunatic now a days. seriously. it wouldn't entertain me to have a stalker either. plus, i betcha i've got some serious hidden anger issues, and i'd probably win if we got into a dangerous altercation. all i'm saying is that i would kick some serious felon ass. my blog does not want to be friends with anyone with malicious, disrespectful or psychotic interests. so scram.

(also- very important. if you are, or have been, one of my clients or students... you are SSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not allowed to be reading this. so stop. please. thank you)

10. i'm really warm right now, but i know the second i take my sweater off, and i'm wearing just my tee shirt, i am going to get cold. so i'm not taking my sweater off. and that is that.

11. i really do love to eat out. i think i thought about eating out quite a bit today. i should start writing the places i think about down, because whenever it comes time to actually go out and eat, i can never think of a place to go. but i've got all kinds of ideas today.

12. i really miss the emerson family. i don't want to be a selfish person, but i do believe my life is better when they are in it on a regular basis. so, i kind of want them to live near me, like ridiculously close to me. so i can hug them all the time. i love them.

13. it is only the middle of november, and i already miss the red sox.

14. i really want to go to sleep for the night, but it is only 8:36pm. i don't think people over the age of 1o and under the age of 90 are allowed to go to bed at 8:30pm. (unless they want to get made fun of) what to do, what to do?

15. okay, i'm going to watch the episode of grey's i missed last night, bring fenway to the bathroom and then pass out.

goodnight readers who consist of friends, family members and strangers who do not happen to be serial killers, rapists, lunatics, stalkers or anyone else who i's have to beat up.